I want to see my best self reflected back to me in the eyes of the people I respect and care about. It has become clearer to me over the last few years that when I am not taking care of my needs, pursuing my goals, feeding myself enough, keeping on top of my hygiene, supporting myself financially - that when I am not doing the things that are needed by me to do - (and whatever 'those things' are uniquely for you) I am less able to show up in those relationships with the best of what I have to give, with the fullest extent of my energy and attention, and sometimes even as a version of myself I would simply prefer not to be. The impact of seeing an uncomfortable or painful version of myself reflected back to me in the eyes of those I care about serves as an opportunity of motivation for me to stay in tune with my needs, my priorities, my goals, and my boundaries around them.
To be able to show up in relationship with the people I care about in a state of calm, relaxed, open, playful, compassionate, patient, understanding is a kind of experience that approaches a sense of fulfillment beyond words. The joy of comfortably and securely being able to meet someone where they're authentically at from where I’m authentically at - the extent of my capacity to identify, name, communicate, and take responsibility for my needs - feels so satisfying to my personal sense of being a living human.
This can be a way of feeling accountable to -my own- authentic sense of standards. In a way it's all really about my relationship to my self as experienced through the people I care about. This perspective also serves as one potential access point towards the reality of our universal interconnectedness and interdependence.
The sense of self as a sense of ‘we’ and ‘us’.
The awareness of our relationship to our self being potentially impacted by the lens of our relationship to others highlights the importance of who and what we are choosing to spend time in relationship to (in the context of what is in our control to have choice in the structure and shape and content of our relationships.)
Intimate and romantic relationships specifically can act as some of our most potent sources of motivation and accountability. In the way that intimacy creates a heightened sense of risk and reward it has the potential to motivate us to dig deeper in our understanding of our self and to act with our highest level of integrity. It is especially motivating and encouraging when the person or people to which we are holding ourselves accountable to are able to meet us in the motivation of holding their self accountable to their best version of their self through caring relationship with us. In reality I believe this is something we are engaging in with everyone and everything around us all the time. The idea of bringing this more into conscious awareness is to allow for greater intentionality, choice, and personal empowerment in creating the shape, texture, and quality of these impactful personal relationships. And of course, one powerful tool to support us being in tune with our needs and personal evolution is a familiarity with your astrological natal chart! (which naturally I would love to support you in building and enriching your relationship to ^_^) In fact, this entire dynamic I just described above is a huge reason why I feel a desire to be in regular awareness of my chart and personal transits.
Some questions to ask oneself regarding important relationships: -Do I have a sense that this person authentically wants the best for me? -How does this person demonstrate care and compassion for their self? -What have I witnessed of this person’s personal growth and evolution? -How have I potentially influenced this person’s relationship to their self? -Do I have a sense they extend similar consideration towards my relationship to my self?
Some examples of engaging in mutually beneficial accountability:
~Sharing goals, challenges and aspirations, and periodically asking for updates on personal progress.
~Allowing yourself to be visible while progressing towards your goals, and compassionately viewing other people’s progress towards their own.
~Setting up intentional time to prioritize supporting the other person making progress towards their goals, and then trading time for them to intentionally prioritize supporting you with yours.